My 27th year was probably the worst and most challenging of my life thus far.
Less than two months into it my 27th year, we were surprised with both the conception and loss of our second baby. The months following were a blur of doctors’ appointments and tests which ultimately inadvertently determined that we experienced our loss because of undiagnosed hashimoto’s and hypothyroidism. In my 27th year, I realized that I had been experiencing postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety since Evangeline was born (two years prior). My 27th year was filled with more tears and heartache than all of my previous combined.
My 27th year I fully embodied my name.
I allowed myself time to grieve, I still am in that process. Instead of staying on the sofa and choosing to let these wicked circumstances dictate my future in a negative way I am choosing to let it be the fiery driving force that pushes me beyond my limits. I am in therapy for the first time in my life. Honestly, I should have been seeing a therapist since I was a teenager, but this year I chose to put my own personal stigma to the side and admit that I need help navigating through my emotions and feelings.
In the depth of my grief, I knew I needed something to not only distract me but give me a sense of personal accomplishment. I made the life-changing decision to go into a field that I had studied and researched for personal use for the past 7+ years, to finally take the leap and be self-employed. We’ve invested a lot of money, time, and effort into achieving my certifications, training, workshops, branding, marketing, etc. that most days it feels overwhelming when I see the outgo vs. the income thus far.
I fell in love with my husband more than I thought possible in my 27th year. He has been my physical rock throughout every situation this year. He’s held me when I’ve collapsed into a pile of brokenness. He’s cried and sobbed with me. He’s prayed with me and for me more than ever this year. I could go on and on about him, but I’ll leave this here since this is about me.
The majority of my 27th year was spent truly enjoying motherhood for the first time. It hurts me so much to even type that, but honestly, that’s the truth. With tears in my eyes, postpartum depression and anxiety is a thief of so much, but the most expensive is time. I wish more than anything I could go back in time and fix me so I could experience those newborn weeks, moths, and ultimately our first year and a half with Evie without the fog or filters of ppd / ppa.
My 27th year I grew more in my faith and spirituality than ever before. I had more conversations with God, worshiped, and prayed from the depths of my soul more than ever before. I learned that I am not in control, and to trust the peace that passes all understanding.
I am exiting my 27th year as a champion, I made it through. It didn’t break me.
I am entering my 28th birthday with intention. I am here not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually with divine purpose. I am preparing myself to be overwhelmed with happiness, countless blessings, growth, and success.
28…I’m ready, let’s do this!