This year went differently than I expected.
I have made shifts to better myself in so many areas in my 28th year of life. I am daily working to correct habits that I have been stuck in my whole life up to this point. I am still learning how to set healthy boundaries for myself and our family and enjoying the emotional freedom that has come from that work.
I expected to be either holding our new healthy baby or in the end stages of our next healthy pregnancy. Yet, here I sit with our beautifully precious 3-year-old as she plays intently by herself. I am still working so hard to learn to be more present, and that goes beyond the easy part of simply putting the phone down. I’m working on keeping my thoughts present, and not spending so much of my energy on how things “should” be or what they could have been.
I am beyond thankful for growing even deeper in my faith than I have ever been before. God is more real to me after these hard times than He was when my life looked perfect. I have fallen deeper in love with my incredible husband and found a newfound level of respect and admiration of him and his choices he’s making for himself and our family. Our daughter is continuing to grow not only physically, but into a beautiful human being that I am more proud of daily by how kind and loving, she is.
I have been blessed and honored beyond words to speak into new families and support in ways I never realized would be so rewarding. Humbled does not even begin to describe the feeling of being asked to attend such a sacred and holy of an event as the birth of new life, or the tender and intimate time of the 4th trimester.
As my 28th year comes to a close, and I wake up tomorrow in my 29th year I can’t help but cry. I’m still not sure if they are happy tears or mournful and sad. Maybe a little bit of both? I know I am so thankful for my beautiful life and for the gift that I have been given that so many do not have the privilege to experience. As I am writing this out I am realizing how much work has gone into my 28th year. I feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually that I have climbed and chiseled so much in my 28th year - maybe that’s where the sad tears are coming from?
I have sowed so much in my 28th year, and I am ready for my harvest. I welcome my 29th year of life, my last in my 20’s with open arms and meet it with more resilience and surrender than I thought capable of.
I choose to continue my dance with the peace that passes all understanding.