Birth Story Medicine
I see you. You are home now, a few weeks after the birth of your baby. You may be starting to come out of the fog, or as some may say back in from the ethers that is birth. A few friends have stopped by with meals, or called to see how you and your baby are doing… You’ve been able to tell your story to those that you feel are closest to you, those that will hear you. You’ve gone to explain yourself, justified your decisions, or even felt that you need to exclude certain details for whatever reason. You do not feel like they will truly understand, or worse, not truly hear you; Hear your hurt, your sadness, your disappointment. The hurt that came when the nurse in your room made a snarky comment, your sadness that your planned birth center birth ended up being an emergency Caesarean section, your disappointment that you feel like you failed.
“You can try again next time.”
I see you. Your daughter is asking questions about her birth since she is about to give birth for the first time. She asks questions that as you hear them your stomach starts to drop. She asks how you navigated an epidural, an episiotomy, and how you coped as she spent her first days as a newborn in the NICU. Reliving these memories even from years ago there is still so much sadness surrounding your and her birth, that you pushed so far to the back of your memories that it almost seems easier than to acknowledge… almost.
I see you. You are pregnant again and you are already dreading birth because of how your previous experiences went. Your OB was so supportive of your birth plan during your pregnancy only for you to experience the ultimate bait and switch during labor. You leave the hospital feeling so betrayed, and angry that you were so prepared, yet still so at the effect of the hospital staff.
“All that matters is a healthy baby…”
I see you. You and your partner spent hours in childbirth education class together. They seemed kind of engaged but also had one eye on their phone. You expressed concern that they might not be enough support for you during labor and that maybe you should hire a doula just to be safe. They assure you that they will be there for you. When your labor starts they leave you alone. They leave you to go to the cafeteria, to walk the halls since they are getting bored, when they are in the room they are on their phone and keep telling you to relax during your labor. You can’t help but feel resentful that you did not trust your intuition, and trusted them to support you.
“I’m sure they wouldn’t have done that if it was not an emergency.”
I see you because I have sat with you. I have cried with you, I have witnessed these events unfold countless times and all you are looking for is someone to hold a safe container in which you can bear all with no judgment, or agenda. You’re not looking to be fixed, you just want someone to hear your voice as it shakes. You want someone to see you…
If you have experienced a birth that left you feeling upset, disappointed, or sad and you are tired of being gaslit by your friends and family (maybe even your therapist) I invite you to heal through story medicine.
“A WOMAN, AS LONG AS SHE LIVES, WILL REMEMBER HOW SHE WAS MADE TO FEEL AT HER BIRTH.”
-ANNA VERWAAL
-C.E.
“Years have passed since having two healthy babies. Circumstances had caused me to have negative feelings and I avoided pictures and videos of those memories. I appreciate the conversations over the past few days as we began talking about my birthing experiences.
It helped me recall moments that were lost and my heart was broken when I realized I had blocked those precious memories. Through laughter and tears, you asked the perfect questions to allow me to find my way back to my newborns.
Thank you, Audrey, for helping me appreciate those moments 31 years ago.”
