Maternal Mental Health
This topic is near and dear to my heart. I wasted so much of my first two years as a mother with undiagnosed postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. It then took me almost a year and a half to physically heal and correct the hormonal imbalance from lack of sleep, nutritious meals, etc. As a result, I am only recently finding my confidence in my role as “mother”.
Now that I am pregnant for the third time, and I am able to see how the initial postpartum time sets the foundation for the next chapter of motherhood and our mental health. I am also doing everything in my power to avoid the pitfalls caused by a lack of knowledge and understanding of the 4th trimester. I started taking a postpartum care course that resonated so much with me that I decided to invest not only in my company as a better way to support newly postpartum families, but also take this information so I could know how I need to be supported after this birth. My family and I can not afford to experience postpartum mood disorders again.
Of all that is taught in the course (uterine health, breast health, abdominal health, etc.) what resonated most with me, but also applied to almost every family I’ve worked with was a brief note on setting boundaries.
It noted that if we do not learn to say “no”, our body will get to a point where it forces us to.
If this is your first pregnancy and birth, you are making the transition from maiden to mother, your parents are in a transition from parent to grandparent. Sometimes it is difficult seeing you as mother/father instead of daughter/son. For those parents that will soon be grandparents, it may be difficult to accept the fact that you are adults and now parents and this is your child(ren) to raise, not a second chance at parenting for them.
Setting these boundaries while you are still pregnant is so important since you are not making these decisions while trying to navigate your new role as a mother (going on little sleep, and fluctuating hormones) and helps set the stage for what your expectations are for your parents and in-laws. (Boundaries can absolutely change! I advise against talking in absolutes since you are not 100% sure of what awaits you on the other side of birth and flexibility is always appreciated if you should choose to change your mind.)
In the childbirth education classes, I teach I am constantly reminding mothers that they need to learn to ask for help while they are still pregnant so they are used to asking for help once the baby is born. What I’ve started adding in my classes is also recommending to get used to saying a simple “no” or “no thank you” while pregnant so they are used to and comfortable saying “no” or “no thank you” as a mother - no matter how old your baby is!
This is something that I feel we (women specifically) have been conditioned to do over the generations - stop listening to our instincts, and start sacrificing how we feel for the sake of others. I honestly feel this is a big part that plays into maternal mental health.
We don’t want to upset our care provider by asking for more information on an intervention that they are suggesting before “consenting” to it.
We don’t want to upset our mother/mother-in-law, so “sure you can hold the baby” minutes after your baby was born, even though every inch of your skin is crawling to have your precious newborn baby back on your chest and in your arms.
We don’t want to upset our grandmother by telling her “no” when you see her putting rice or cereal in our baby’s bottle to help them sleep longer even though something in your gut is telling you not to.
These instances listed above are all relevant for when your baby is still a newborn / baby, but if these boundaries are not set do not be surprised if this type of behavior extends into every parenting decision you make for the rest of your life.
Do yourself, your baby, and your family a favor and set boundaries before you find yourself resentful of family/friends, or worse - yourself.