Happy Birthday Olive

Olive,

You should be a two and a half year old toddler running around with your big sister this time of year. Instead we are celebrating your birthday 8 months earlier than it would have been - your actual birthday of 12/31 instead of a day in early August. 

This year before Atlas was born we celebrated your brief life with a memorial, your grandparents, your great-grandmother, sister, daddy, & mommy (also baby brother in my womb) attended. It was so nice to have a little more closure and a time dedicated to you before his birth. 

Since your little brother has been with us for six months and his features are so different than Evie’s but also so alike I again can’t help but wonder who you looked more like, Evie or Atlas. 

Beautiful olive skin (no pun intended) and dark eyes like Evie, or light creamy skin with blue eyes like Atlas. I have this feeling that you would have been the perfect combination of both. One thing is for sure, you would have the Thorp Chin and I have lovingly coined the supple shape of your siblings’ jawlines.

Evie has been talking about you more lately and still insists you were her little sister and I think she’s right. 

I spent time with your cousin a couple of months ago and she is close to 6 months younger than how old you should be. Holding her hand, and seeing how gently Evie played with her when they came to visit made my heart beam and hurt all in the same beat. Holding her hand as we walked around the neighborhood just reminded me how we are still missing such a huge piece of our family that will never be replaced, no matter how many babies come after you. 

Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy. As painful as motherhood can be at times, I appreciate every day being yours and long for the day that I get to smell your scent, run my fingers through your hair, and kiss your precious face.

Happy Birthday to us, my darling secondborn, Olive.