“Why don’t you post pictures of your daughter?

I get asked this question more often than you might think. In light of our maternity picture session and more than usual questions, I am sharing the reasons behind our decision here.

This is a decision that Zach and I came to during our pregnancy with Evangeline. What is listed below are my thoughts on the topic (although we made the decision together and are in agreement, I don’t like speaking for both Zach and I). 

Social media came into the picture when we were pre-teens/teenagers with MySpace and Xanga.

Did we know the severity of “what you put online is out there forever” - absolutely not.

Were we mature enough to decide what we shared online? No way.

Now that we are older and have matured, I am much more particular about what I share on my Facebook and Instagram accounts. I do not want her entire life documented and shared without her consent.

Which brings us to the question we get asked frequently - 

“Why don’t you post pictures of your daughter?” What first started me on this thought process was, we live in a sick world with sick people. I do not like the idea of someone using pictures of my daughter for deviant behavior- she is so innocent and pure and the idea of images of her being used in that capacity makes me physically sick. Social media is the PERFECT place for pedophiles to go for these images and videos since they are so easy to access. An innocent dance recital video or photo-op of your toddler running through the sprinkler is something that can be quickly downloaded and saved and used for YEARS. If that’s not reason enough, keep reading. 

“You can always put your profile to private” - Absolutely! I can and I have from time to time. That said, when a friend or family member decides to share a picture or video of our children on their personal accounts, I do not know who they are friends with and who they are friends with, etc. It’s a slippery slope that we discussed HEAVILY “Well we can post the pictures on our profile and tell our family not to share” - it is just easier for us if no one has permission to post, including us!

“You’re thinking too much about it!”
“You really think people are going to use your pictures?” 

I honestly wouldn’t have put too much thought into it had it not been for what I saw when I was pregnant with Evie. 

I had chosen to follow a popular baby website on Facebook. On their weekly updates, I saw a picture of a beautiful pregnant woman sitting on her sofa with a Christmas tree, perfectly lit in the background. She looked so peaceful and just the epitome of what every woman I feel strives for during pregnancy. After looking a little closer I noticed that this woman looked SO familiar! I scoured the picture looking for photo credit or some other way to identify who this woman was. I found nothing. I sat and thought - not only does the woman look familiar but I feel like I’ve seen this picture before! 

It clicked - I went to a friend’s Facebook profile and sure enough, I found the exact picture. Our friend had taken this stunning picture of his wife the previous year and shared it on Facebook. I sent her a message sharing what I had found and thought it was so cool that their work had been featured by such a HUGE platform - her response was that the company literally copied it from Facebook without their consent or recognition for their work. 

I was shocked and mortified at the same time. 

Did you know that when you post pictures on Facebook and Instagram you are willfully giving permission to them to use as they see fit? Yup! Read their terms. They own the rights to the images you upload. 

“It’s so much easier to share pictures with family this way” - You’re ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! It really is. What we’ve done from the beginning is any family members with an iPhone are on a thread that receives at least weekly picture updates of what Evie is up to and how my pregnancy is progressing - that I don’t share on social media. The family members that have asked for updates that do not have an iPhone (Zach’s mom for instance) get sent pictures via text at the same time. Yes, it could be done a lot faster by clicking “post” on Facebook, but we’ve also come A LONG way from when our parents had to mail a VHS tape or order extra prints from our vacation pictures to our grandparents. 

Last but not least as I feel it is the most important reason. I do not want my children to grow up with a complex of how many likes their pictures brought in. I do not want to post pictures with the intention of getting likes - my children are not a source for me to gain recognition on my social media platforms. I want to keep them away from these dangerous mindsets that so many grown adults have fallen into. Their self-worth is so much more than a simple “like” and I want that embedded deep within them well before they know what social media is - especially before they have hit a maturity level to experience social media as young adults. 

This is absolutely not always easy - it’s all we’ve known since Evie has been born, but that doesn’t mean that we haven’t looked at each other with the desire to scream how proud of her we are from the rooftops - or share the latest brilliant thing she has said or done with video proof. No, she does not have deformities that we are afraid to show the world (yes, I’ve been asked that) even if she did she would still be the most beautiful little girl in our eyes (which she is). 

I want to keep our children safe for as long as I can since it’s my job as their parent to protect them - spirit, mind, and body. 

“Well, you share your birth video on social media!” - YUP!  I share our birth video (soon-to-be videos!) annually to raise awareness of out-of-hospital birth and how it’s an option that so many families do not entertain or even know is an option in a lot of instances. We share this limited glimpse of what our daughter (soon to be children) looked like when she entered the world - I have since shared a little more on my blog (our maternity pictures included Evie) and will continue to keep it limited to just a few pictures if / when appropriate. This is the balance we have come to and are most comfortable at this point. 

This post is in no way shape or form judging other parents for what they choose to share! It is answering a common question that we get and to be completely honest a sour spot that I still don’t think our extended family has come to easily accept without rolling their eyes - and that’s ok. These babies are ours to parent and protect and this is the best way we feel we are able to at this time.

| On a business note - this is why you will see little to no pictures of babies on my business page (to date I have one picture of a gorgeous mom as she embraces her baby and you see the back of the baby’s head). Just because I get the honor of being present when these babies enter the world or support their family in the 4th trimester, they are still not mine to take pictures with let alone share with the world. |